The Ghosts of Tinder: A Personal Account

On November 14, 2023, I find myself reflecting on my experiences with Tinder, particularly the phenomenon of old matches resurfacing unexpectedly. Since I began using the app back in late 2014, I’ve held onto my account without deleting matches, even those with whom I’ve had no communication for extended periods. This has resulted in a collection of dormant matches, many of whom have not removed me from their lists either.

Recently, I've noticed a trend where Tinder seems to be reintroducing these old profiles to encourage interaction. Whether this tactic is effective remains uncertain, but I have experienced instances where women I haven’t communicated with in ages suddenly reappear, reminiscent of zombies coming back to life. Here are three notable examples from my Tinder journey.

The first match, A., is a 37-year-old woman with a stylish short brown haircut. Her profile was straightforward, mentioning her two children and her preference for single men, a common warning I’ve seen frequently among women on the app. Interestingly, she also included a note about being in good health, a detail that seems oddly unnecessary unless one is well past their prime. When I reached out to her late one night, she responded almost instantly.

However, like many interactions on Tinder, the conversation quickly fizzled out, and I heard nothing more from her. Fast forward two and a half years, and out of the blue, I received a message from her, indicating she hadn’t deleted our match.

Once again, she vanished without a trace.

My second returning match is also named A. She is a 34-year-old musician with long wavy brown hair, and we matched back in 2017 without ever engaging in a conversation. Surprisingly, four years later, she messaged me.

As with the first A., my response went unanswered, leaving me wondering if her greeting was simply an automated message from Tinder. It’s curious that both women share the same name and initiated contact around the same time of day, albeit in different years.

The third match is a 35-year-old woman I connected with during the summer of 2022. She has long, smooth light brown hair and a gentle demeanor. I attempted to personalize my message based on her brief profile, but she never replied, a situation I’ve found is not uncommon for many users, including women, who often voice their frustrations about the lack of meaningful responses.

I’ve consistently made an effort to craft thoughtful messages, avoiding generic greetings, yet this effort seems only moderately rewarded based on my experiences. A year later, she finally responded, but a glitch in the app prevented me from seeing my original message, leaving me puzzled about her reference.

Once again, she disappeared shortly after, and I never received further communication.

For these three women, it feels as though they briefly returned to the realm of conversation only to be struck down once more by the silence of the app.

As I pen this reflection in the fall of 2023, all three women remain among my matches, allowing me to revisit their profiles for this write-up. Perhaps I should reach out with a lighthearted message just for fun, after all.