According to Columbia Psychologists, These 7 Conversation Topics Reveal a Lack of Social Intelligence

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Do you know which topics to avoid to maintain pleasant relationships? Certain conversations can indeed be awkward or drive people away. Here’s how to navigate them to better understand our interactions.

Not everyone possesses the same emotional intelligence. This intelligence allows us to recognize, understand, manage, and express our own emotions while being able to perceive and interpret those of others. This form of intelligence plays a crucial role in the quality of human interactions, conflict resolution, and adapting to change. That’s why people who haven’t developed it can sometimes be the source of delicate exchanges without even realizing it, failing to properly grasp the situations and emotional states of their conversation partners. They put their foot in their mouth! How can we avoid this? By being aware of others and remembering these topics to avoid to maintain a healthy and light relationship. A study published in Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes explored why these conversations trigger tension. During their research, Columbia University scholars confirmed that simply discussing a sensitive topic can provoke emotional stress, negative reactions, avoidance behaviors, or flight responses in our interlocutors, reactions primarily motivated by the need to protect their privacy or avoid conflict. Sometimes, it is advisable to remain silent to prevent deteriorating the exchange. Here are 7 common situations and phrases to avoid to maintain good relationships.

1. Highly Personal Topics

Have you ever felt uncomfortable when someone you were having light and pleasant exchanges with suddenly started discussing a very intimate topic with you? Sharing a traumatic event from one’s past, for example, is certainly not forbidden, but one must know how to choose the right moment and sense if the closeness with the interlocutor is appropriate for such a conversation.

When you don’t fully know the other person, it’s better to wait before delving deeper, as it may embarrass them and hinder the progression of the relationship.

2. Political and Religious Topics

These are the most notorious sources of disputes at family meals: politics and religion are not assets for maintaining lasting relationships. They touch on personal convictions and are also very divisive.

It is therefore important to choose wisely with whom to tread these dangerous waters. Think twice before discussing your political choices or beliefs with others.

3. Health Issues

Whether it concerns your health or that of your interlocutor, health questions are also delicate. Again, one must gauge the level of closeness with the other and their willingness to receive very personal information about our health.

Sometimes, it’s healthier to remain reserved about private information as it can create discomfort. Reserve health questions for your closest friends to avoid social mishaps.

4. Rumors or Criticism

When conversing with someone, it is also preferable to avoid delving into rumors or elaborating on someone you dislike. Criticizing or spreading gossip can indeed be tempting, but it can create negative reactions in our interlocutor.

A study from the University of Leeds published in the Times showed that people who tend to gossip are perceived as sociable but less competent and less moral, which reduces the trust placed in them for ethical or strategic tasks.

5. Money Matters

Does money bring happiness? This very question can create relational conflicts! In any case, it is generally unwise to initiate a discussion about money without having identified if the situation and the interlocutor are suitable for it. Money questions are frequently sources of conflict as they highlight potential inequalities, a sometimes violent sense of injustice, and can make you come across as arrogant or boastful.

If you lack social filters and see money as “just a topic,” remember that a conversation involves two people, and the other may not be in the same frame of mind.

6. Physical Appearance and “Flaws”

The same goes for topics related to physical appearance: weight, hair loss, wearing glasses… are all subjects that must be handled delicately because, while they may not be taboo for you, they could be for your interlocutor. You cannot guess someone’s potential traumas or complexes.

That’s why it’s important to tread lightly and avoid discussing these themes to maintain peaceful relationships.

7. Personal Complaints

Finally, even if it seems entirely natural to want to express what one feels without a mask, be mindful of how much you complain: too much fatigue, too many negative events… When one spends their time painting a gloomy picture, it can drive others away who no longer see space in the conversation to express their own difficulties. Indeed, it’s always important to leave room for the other person in an exchange.

That’s why open-ended questions allow for mutual engagement, while complaints can quickly turn into a sterile monologue for the other person. Therefore, all of these topics and types of discussions should be avoided unless you have taken care to understand your interlocutor well enough to ensure you do not create distance by bringing them up.