This Phrase May Seem Innocuous, but It Proves You Are Toxic in Your Relationship Without Even Realizing It

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In our romantic relationships or any personal connections, we all develop behaviors and habits that are more or less healthy. Without realizing it, we can express toxic remarks.

Even when we feel we have developed healthy communication, practice active listening, respect each other's boundaries, and care for each other's well-being, we sometimes make mistakes. While perfection seems difficult to achieve in interactions between two human beings, some mistakes do more harm than others. Over the course of our relationships, we strive to enhance our skills to spot toxic personalities at the first signs. However, inadvertently, we also adopt unhealthy practices that can harm the other person and the relationship. "Relationships do not collapse overnight. Most often, they crumble under the weight of small missteps that accumulate discreetly until they become too heavy to manage," assures Mark Travers, psychologist, for CNBC. But to avoid missteps, we must first know what helps us stay on the right path.

The Phrase You Should Not Say

"Couples come to me thinking their problem is related to disagreements or frequent arguments. But upon digging a little deeper, we often discover the same underlying cause: what they say to each other during their disputes," confides Mark Travers. We sometimes think that a functional relationship is one where no disagreement or conflict arises. Yet, conflict is often inevitable. Whether it arises from a more or less significant disagreement, it allows partners to express themselves freely in its own way. However, while arguments are unavoidable and partly healthy, they must adhere to certain rules. They do not justify verbal or physical violence, disrespect, personal attacks, or manipulation.

In his article, the psychologist also emphasizes phrases we might utter in the heat of the moment without realizing the weight of the words. Among them, Mark Travers cites the phrase: Why can’t you be more like \[insert the name of the other person\]? "If you use this toxic phrase, your relationship is in danger," he warns. Although at first glance, this phrase may be a symptom of frustration during an argument, it can be much more than that and damage the relationship in the long run.

The Consequences of Comparison in Relationships

In this phrase, the name of the person mentioned is of no importance, assures Mark Travers. Whether it’s a friend, an ex-partner, or the past version of the current partner, it is the comparison that truly poses a problem. "The real message will always be the same: ‘You are not good enough, and someone else, anyone, could be a better partner.’ Over time, this kind of comparison can lead to irreversible insecurity issues. Instead of feeling loved for who they are, the person on the receiving end will start to question their worth and constantly wonder if they measure up to expectations," warns the psychologist.

Whether concerning the partner or the relationship, comparisons are rarely helpful. Especially when they serve to devalue what we have. "When couples compare their relationship or their partner to others, it can often lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, and despair in both partners," explains Megan Haase, mental health counselor, for PsychCentral. Comparing your partner to someone else erodes the sense of commitment and stability in the relationship.