Why Do We Feel Pleasure in Displacing a Romantic Rival? The Surprising Psychological Profile of Those Who Love to Win

Why Do We Feel Pleasure in Displacing a Romantic Rival? The Surprising Psychological Profile of Those Who Love to Win

Seeing a rival being gently rejected and feeling a twinge of satisfaction is not trivial, according to a large study on romantic rivalry.

Witnessing a romantic rival being turned down and feeling a slight surge of satisfaction... Many have experienced this scene in silence, sometimes with a hint of guilt. Behind this discreet pleasure of 'winning' the game of seduction lies something deeper than just a flattered ego. A recent study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior examined this phenomenon among 661 adults aged 18 to 67, living in Canada, Hungary, Indonesia, or as international students. It shows that individuals who enjoy surpassing their rivals in love share a specific psychological profile, which can be found across very different cultures. This raises questions about our own experiences of romantic rivalry.

Romantic Rivalry and Intrasexual Competition

Intrasexual competition refers to the tendency to compete with individuals of the same sex to attract or retain a partner. "Intrasexual competition, that is, the tendency to compete with same-sex individuals for romantic and sexual opportunities, is a central concept in evolutionary psychology," summarizes Norbert Meskó, the study's lead, to PsyPost. One can respond to this by enhancing oneself or by attempting to diminish the perceived value of the rival.

The team distinguished two components: on one side, the "pleasure of superiority," which is the enjoyment derived from beating a romantic rival; on the other, frustration of inferiority, the discomfort felt when a competitor seems more attractive or desirable.

The Profile of Those Who Enjoy Surpassing Their Rivals

The 661 participants completed an online questionnaire measuring their level of intrasexual competition as well as several traits: sensation-seeking, physical and verbal aggression, sociosexual orientation (comfort with casual sex), time spent on their appearance, openness to cosmetic surgery, and sexual motivations. "Our results suggest that individuals who enjoy competing with same-sex rivals tend to exhibit a broader set of attitudes and behaviors related to partner-seeking," he explains.

Specifically, those who take pleasure in surpassing their romantic rivals tend to have, on average:

• A marked taste for intense experiences and challenges;
• A stronger tendency towards conflicts, verbal jabs, and hostility;
• Significant investment in physical enhancement strategies (makeup, hairstyling, sports, diets, possibly surgery);
• A more liberated sexuality, with greater ease regarding casual relationships and varied sexual motivations (pleasure, emotional management, closeness, personal goals).

"In contrast, frustration of inferiority showed weaker and less reliable links, notes the researcher. This suggests that actively enjoying competition may be psychologically quite different from merely feeling threatened by attractive rivals. Although these two experiences are often grouped under the label of intrasexual competition, they may represent distinct psychological processes."

A Widely Shared Mechanism

The study shows that average levels of "pleasure of superiority" are almost identical in Canada, Hungary, and Indonesia, suggesting a fairly universal mechanism. "The results suggest that certain aspects of intrasexual competition may reflect relatively robust characteristics of human mating psychology, even if cultures differ in many other ways," concludes Norbert Meskó.

The authors remain cautious: the data rely on self-reported questionnaires taken at a specific moment, and the sample consists of 75% women. The study therefore cannot determine whether these traits cause romantic rivalry or if they are rather a consequence.