"You Can't Please Everyone": Science Confirms That Your Need for Validation Sabotages Your Happiness

"You Can't Please Everyone": Science Confirms That Your Need for Validation Sabotages Your Happiness

Wanting to please everyone is a quest as alluring as it is illusory. Not only is it destined to fail, but it can also compromise your personal growth. Here’s why.

Who hasn’t wanted to be appreciated by everyone they meet? To have the status of being a "cool," "interesting" person with whom others want to spend time? Yet, this desire, often tied to the ego (let's admit it), is not necessarily conducive to happiness—and a scientific study confirms the adage that "you can’t please everyone." According to a report published in 2003 in the Journal of Research in Personality, we learn that, generally speaking, people who self-evaluate positively in an area they deem important for approval or disapproval from others have a higher self-esteem than those who do not believe it influences their acceptability.

Self-Esteem: The Key to Happiness?

To simplify, this means that our self-esteem increases when we value ourselves in what truly matters to us, not just to be accepted by others. Thus, measuring ourselves against others' expectations can influence our level of fulfillment and happiness.

In practical terms, this means that self-esteem is built more on what matters to ourselves than on what matters to others. Therefore, developing it is essential for personal growth. Seeking to please everyone at all costs, without considering your own needs and desires, can harm your self-esteem and your overall fulfillment. The solution for happiness? Develop your self-esteem by focusing on what truly matters to you. Easy, right?

How to Develop Your Self-Esteem?

In reality, this task is not always straightforward. But don’t panic; there are keys to developing your self-esteem and identifying what truly makes sense. As reported by the American Psychological Association (APA), self-esteem is essential for enhancing well-being: "We often think of terms like 'respect,' 'love,' and 'consideration' in our relationships with others, such as friends, family, colleagues, and neighbors. However, the term 'self-esteem' measures the degree of respect, love, and value we give ourselves."

Thus, to develop your self-esteem, you simply need to ask yourself the questions that really matter: "Do I love myself? Do I respect myself? What words would I use to describe myself to a stranger? When I think about my personality, are my thoughts positive or negative? Do you believe you deserve love, respect, and consideration from others?" We challenge you: take a notebook, answer these questions, and read your words several times. This allows you to gain perspective on your needs and limits, and above all, to learn to know yourself better.